on mothers.

My mom came back to work today. She’s still having some pain and tiring pretty quickly, although the worst part for her so far has been that she’s having to adjustment from being a keyboard-based user to a mouser. I’m glad she’s only working two days this week so she’ll have the weekend to recuperate a bit.

We got to have lunch together and I updated her on everything that’s been happening on the baby front. She’s so excited about it, which is awesome. We’re so lucky to have the support of my parents and our sisters, even though Firefly’s parents have been less than enthusiastic. Well, her mother has. I’m not sure she’s even really talked to her father about it. The last time we talked about it she hadn’t, although I imagine her mother has told him.

I think that might, at this moment, be the part of this process that scares me the most. I believe–or at least hope–that they’ll come around, although I don’t have nearly as high of hopes about her brother. I also worry about when it’s my turn to carry. I know that my family is just as excited about the idea of her carrying as they will be for me, but it frightens me a bit that hers might not be so open. Don’t get me wrong, she has some very supportive family members like her sister, aunts, and cousins, but I know it hurts to not have the acceptance of your parents and brother, no matter how long you’ve had to deal with it or how resolved to it you are.

Ah well. Enough about this for now. I need to go work on a paper that’s due tomorrow.

not so good news.

Well, we got the test results back today. It was a lot faster than I expected, but the number was lower than Doc wanted. Her progesterone was 9.7 and he wanted at least 12, so we’re starting with the Clomid right off the bat. It’s going to make things more expensive because she’ll have to take that, then have an ultrasound mid-cycle, then–assuming everything looks good at that point–an injection at home to release the egg and back to the doctor the next day. Her thyroid and prolactin are normal, though. At least that’s good, right?

Firefly told me when I got home from work that the nurse had called and let me listen to the message. I cried. I feel so silly. It’s just a test result. What the hell am I going to be like once we really get into this? I think part of it is just that everything has been going so smoothly up to this point and this is the first real snag we’ve hit. So far everything else has been great and I felt really good after meeting Doc on Monday. Knowing that the expense is going to be so much higher doesn’t help, either. Here’s hoping that we get lucky on the first try…

I won’t hold my breath.

so…

perhaps i should stop being so lazy. perhaps i should start capitalizing.

maybe i will.

Starting now.

well that went well.

the consultation wasn’t nearly as bad as i was afraid it would be–although it was an expensive hour, that’s for sure. he didn’t ask us why we wanted to have a baby, which was a relief. he did how long we had been together, but he seemed pleased when we said three years. he was very personable and the nurse we talked to was also very nice and told us to call anytime with questions if anything came to us later. it felt really comfortable for both of us, which is awesome. he did say that temping just isn’t going to work for firefly, though, because she works third shift, so she might as well stop and stick with an opk to see when she ovulates. it wasn’t entirely unexpected and i’ve been wondering about it (sometimes aloud) for a while now.

we actually had perfect timing on our appointment because they want to do a progesterone test on cd 20 (that’s cycle day 20, for those of you who are wondering), which happens to be tomorrow. she’s going to go to the lab on her way home from work in the morning and hopefully we’ll get some good results. he said he’s hoping for a 12 or higher, and if not he may start her on clomid right away. not that i really have any idea what those numbers mean. well, i know they’ll mean she ovulated if they’re high, but other than that? clueless. i’ve got to do some more reading…

we did get a bit of good news from the firefly’s insurance company. because she’s 35 we only have to be actively trying for 6 months for them to start covering the treatments. hopefully it won’t come to that, but it’s nice to know and makes me feel a little better in case we do get to that point. we also pretty much know how much it’s going to cost for the insemination each month, give or take any extra exams or ultrasounds and the like. yikes.

we had wanted to start as soon as possible, but the firefly’s birthday is at the beginning of september and is likely to be right around her ovulation day. the way things are falling, though, we would have a second attempt possible at the end of the month and we’re seriously considering waiting for that. it’ll give us a little more time to make a final donor decision, let her enjoy her birthday and her work week in detroit, and give us time to save a little more and make a little more progress on the bathroom. the less stress we have throughout this process the better!

yikes. again.

we have our consultation tomorrow and i’m pretty nervous. that seems to be a common state for me lately, doesn’t it? i’m not sure exactly what we’ll have to do, but i do know–from asking friends who have done it–that we’re going to be asked why we want to have a baby. i’m not sure what the right answer is. we’re pretty sure we shouldn’t say that it’s because we want to combat the christian army her brother is breeding, or so that we can raise a football player so we don’t have to worry about retirement. what is the right answer, though? is there a right one, really? we want to have babies because we’ve both always wanted to be mommies. we want to raise kids with someone we love and who shares our outlook on things. because we both have strengths that complement the other and we want to share that and raise a family together. and for a million other reasons that i can’t even think of or put words to.

that’s good enough, right?

rockin’

the show went well yesterday. my sister’s new girl told me afterward that she would “ride a tricycle 4,000 miles” to see me do it again, which i take to be a good sign.

we’re hanging out with friends drinking and generally having a good time. we slept in this morning because we were up until…well, early this morning having a good time of our own. life is good.

yikes.

ok, i’m nervous again. so to keep my mind off of it, how about a picture:

aah. ok, i feel a little better now.

update.

my mom went to her surgeon yesterday to check on her progress and she’s cleared to go back to work at the end of next week. this is awesome news. before her surgery they were saying that, depending on what they had to do, she would be off work until at least december first.

on the bathroom front, we’ve got almost all of the framing done and are starting on the plumbing rough-in tomorrow afternoon. it’s really starting to look like a bathroom and i can’t wait. even though the bathroom itself is smaller it’s going to feel bigger because of the layout. i’m really looking forward to having a closet again, and now that we’ve got the framing started on the wall i can really see how much bigger it’s going to be than the one that was there. it is going to be so nice.

i have one more performance of the show tomorrow. i’m a little sad that there are only two performances. i really miss being onstage. doing it again just reminds me of how much, although with the time rehearsals take it just isn’t possible to do anything more right now.

not.

same password.

my pickles are good. just in case, you know, you were wondering.

Protected: another poem.

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