On top of that we had a small group of people coming to our house for dinner on Saturday night, so Bennder took Monkey to the movies to give us more time to focus on cleaning up more of the basement and also to get ready for having people over. Dinner was a lot of fun and we ended up sitting up until around 1am, then cleaned up a little after everyone left and finally went to bed around 2. Today we kept busy, and SOMEONE refused to nap and didn’t go to bed until his normal bedtime. I’m exhausted.

After the appointment we went out for a nice breakfast together, then went to a home improvement store to look and dream about our next (and probably last) big house project: the kitchen. It is actually a project that we’d like to tackle sometime within the next year or two, and the sooner the better. We’ve gone to a couple of different places to get some design ideas and I think we have a good idea of the general direction we want to go in, which will allow us to do some actual planning as far as how to make it happen and what we’ll need as opposed to the daydreaming we’ve done up to this point. And in the meantime thinking about it will help keep my mind off of other things. Like what may or may not be happening in my body right now.

It’s all a little bittersweet for me right now. Had my first pregnancy carried to term, we would have a babe exactly two weeks old today (assuming of course that it arrived on the due date, which as we all know rarely happens, but still). I’m trying my hardest to stay positive and not get caught up in the fear of another loss, but it’s hard. I’m reading things into everything just trying to stay hopeful and optimistic instead of apprehensive.

This is our 8th cycle actively trying, and 8 is my lucky number; okay, so it’s the 7th IUI because one cycle was scrapped when I didn’t respond to the meds, but the 8th where we’ve actively tried. And this cycle started on Friday the 13th, which may not be the best omen, but 13 is 4 together and 4 is half of 8, plus this is my 4th injectables cycle. I did realize that if this cycle does actually work I’d be nearing the end of my first trimester around my birthday, so out of curiosity and sheer masochism I looked it up to check and see. I’d be about 10 1/2 weeks if you’re wondering, but you know what else? At least according to the calculator I used? Not only did this cycle start on Friday, January 13th, but I’d be exactly 13 weeks along…on Friday, April 13th. I’m hoping I’ve got a new lucky number.

I also got a call yesterday from the nurse at the RE’s office. All my bloodwork came back and everything looks good. No clotting factors (which I was a little worried about as a blood clot put my mom in the hospital for a week years ago and they never determined what caused it), and my cholesterol and triglycerides are good. The only blip is two mutations on the MT.FHR, which she said aren’t a big deal it just means that my body doesn’t circulate folate the way it should, so I’ll have to take Rx supplements twice a day. What all this means is that my follow up appointment with the RE next Wednesday to discuss treatment of any issues has been canceled, the pharmacy has been called, and we’re cleared to start trying again any time. I was guessing I’d start my cycle around Monday, but based on my past cycles really could be any day between now and then and likely won’t be any later than that. It’s good. I feel good, and I feel ready to start trying again.

Firefly’s new work schedule is taking less getting used to than I thought it might–for me, at least. It’s been really nice having her here in the evenings, and not feeling rushed to get her off to work or with our bedtime routine, which has needed very little adjustment. It is a bit different in the mornings since I’m on my own getting Monkey ready and out the door, but it hasn’t been too bad and really it seems less rushed now. It was me dragging myself out of bed and trying to get myself ready, then her getting home from work and rushing to help me get him ready and out the door, and then I’d eat breakfast at my desk at work. Now I’ve been getting up earlier since she’s been getting up and out of the house early, and have even had time on some days to cook a hot breakfast for myself and eat it before I start getting him ready. I haven’t really gotten out of the house much earlier than I was, but I’m working toward that so that I can start work earlier and, consequently, get out earlier in the evenings to get home.

I haven’t had a chance to take many photos yet, but I have some plans to for the weekend. I did take this one yesterday for a photo of the week submission on a photography board I help moderate:

I’ve also got a lot of appointments scheduled this month. I went last Friday for the 11 vials worth of bloodwork in advance of our RE appointment to discuss my losses (I’d rather be discussing test results than what he’s going to test for and he agreed); I’m going tomorrow morning for an appointment with a podiatrist to have a bump looked at so that I can hopefully get it taken care of and walk without pain again (and maybe even start running eventually); and an appointment at the end of the month with a potential new family doctor. Don’t get me wrong, I love my current doc and have been going to her since I was a teen at least, and she’s family if ya know what I’m sayin’, but she’s also more than 15 minutes from my work and almost half an hour drive from our house, and in a completely different direction. Not fun when you’re sick. This new doc is near our house, could be on the way home from work for me depending on which way I go, and she’s also family.

I’m not much for resolutions, but I do have some goals for this year:

Take more photos. With my dSLR, with my old point and shoot, with my really old SLR, with my phone, it doesn’t matter. Just shoot more.

Get IN more photos. My son won’t care what I looked like or what I weighed, but he will care that he has photos of us when he’s older.

DO SOMETHING about how I feel about my body. I’m not happy in it. I haven’t been for a long time. I want (and need) to lose some weight and get back into some sort of shape. I started tracking my food intake again and got the myfitnesspal app for my iPhone. I’ve used Spark.People in the past, but decided to give this a go because I’ve heard some really positive things about it. So far so good. If you’re on there feel free to friend me–I’ll give you one guess for my username. I’m going to set my goal in steps. I want to lose 40-50 lbs eventually, but I’m starting off with a goal of 20. I like to be able to HIT my goals, it makes me feel better to have accomplished something and makes me feel more confident that I can hit the next one.

I also want to post here more. I like it, I miss it, and I want to do it. I got into a bad place but it felt really good in November to be posting every day, and while I don’t think that will happen (nor do I necessarily want it to) I’d like to make sure I’m here more often than I have been.

So, hello again. I hope you had a wonderful holiday season, and that your year has started off well. I hope to see much more of you this year.