well hey!

I have my first real question from a reader. Well, a first topic suggestion. Kristin from Poughkeepsie (actually I have no idea where she’s from, I just think it just sounds cool) wonders how we decided which of us would be carrying our child. That’s a great question. Ask and ye shall receive!

Every couple in our position has different reasons for deciding which mother will carry. Some women never want to carry, others have dreamed about nothing else–and some times that’s the complete opposite of what you would expect. I know one couple, now split, that was very butch/femme. It was the butch, however, who wanted to carry, and did. Some people choose based on family medical history or their own health. If there’s something that runs in your family and you have the option of using another womb to try and avoid passing it on, sometimes that’s the choice that you make.

For us it wasn’t a question of who would carry, but rather who would carry first. Honestly I don’t think she’s all that excited about the things that come along with pregnancy. I’m guessing that’s true of a lot of people; I mean who really wants to deal with nausea or gas, swollen ankles or an aching back? She’s definitely not looking forward to the attention it will bring. I tell her she can send it all my way, but if she had her druthers she’d go hide out somewhere and show up mid-November with a babe in tow. She does, however, want to experience pregnancy, and she thinks she has good jeans. Or wait…that’s me. Yeah, I’m a dork. See, baby, what you have to look forward to? She thinks she has good genes, and I’m inclined to agree. I also want to carry and, although there are things that I’m not looking forward to as well, I’m excited to experience it.

Firefly is a few years older than me and it will likely be a couple of years until we try again, so it made sense to us for her to try first. If I were to try first, she would be edging closer to 40 by the time she tried, and the risks to the baby go up significantly (not to mention the success rate drops significantly) the closer you get to that milestone. Depending on when we start and how long it takes me, I could potentially be younger than she is now when I carry. We want to be able to give our children the best life we can, and minimize the risks to them where possible.

And there you have it.

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3 Responses to “well hey!”


  1. 1 Kristen April 16, 2009 at 9:12 am

    Thanks. That was interesting.

  2. 2 Dawn April 16, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    Well said. You are such a good writer.


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