Archive for February, 2011

next up.

So our new plan is moving directly to injectables. We discussed our options, I talked with the RE’s office, and we decided it was the best course of action for us. We want to move forward, not backward. I got the confirmation that the meds were authorized today, and I should have them Wednesday. Which is good, because I think I’m getting ready to start my cycle–although who knows. We’ll have the added cost of more ultr.asounds for monitoring, but we also already have our vial waiting on ice from this last busted cycle so that should even things out a little bit, although probably not completely depending on how much monitoring I need. There are some things I am really nervous about with this step, but I’m feeling hopeful.

bust.

Thanks, everybody, for your comments on my last post. I had my follow up U/S with the RE today and we are out for this cycle. After 5 more days the largest follie I have is 16mm, which means it only grew another 3mm, and my lining is starting to not look so good. So now we have some decisions to make about how to proceed with the next cycle.

In better news, we had a great weekend away at Firefly’s parents’ place. Her mom’s birthday was Sunday so we all went up to celebrate with her. We went up on Friday and Bennder and GOB came up on Saturday and joined us. Her parents had lots of fun playing with Monkey, and we had fun not worrying about anything, playing cards, and I’ll admit I had a bit of wine on Saturday with Bennder, GOB, and Firefly’s mom. We stayed until pretty late on Sunday evening since Firefly is on first shift this week, so we didn’t need to rush back for her to get to work on time. I had today off for the holiday, so I took the boy and headed out. We went and had lunch with my sister, then spent the afternoon at the conservatory with my camera.

Also, Monkey’s 15-month check up last Friday was great. He’s still 10th percentile for both height and weight (which is actually a slight improvement in height, which was 5-10th last time), but the pedi is very happy with his trajectory since he’s following along his curve quite nicely and isn’t jumping or dropping suddenly. Monkey still doesn’t really have any words to speak of other than “mama,” at least not that we’ve been able to definitively identify, but that’s nothing to worry about yet. He does clearly understand a lot of things, points to what he wants, and has some signs, so we’re able to communicate with him pretty well and the talking will come.

big sigh.

So I had the U/S yesterday to see where I am. My lining looks great, they want to see 6mm and mine was 11.8, which is fabulous. And I have at least two foll.icles, one on each side. But, here comes the sigh…at CD13 the bigger of the two is only 13mm. They don’t trigger until it’s over 20. Which means that I won’t have to worry about missing Monkey’s 15-month check up tomorrow morning, or our weekend plans getting delayed. Since they normally assume 2mm of growth per day it also means that I go back on Monday for another U/S. Which of course my insurance doesn’t cover, but the RE said that he’s making a note that it’s a follow-up free of charge. He doesn’t want to guess with so much growing still to do, and who knows if they’ll even grow any more anyway, but he doesn’t want us to have to pay for another appointment. There’s no way to tell if this is just a really slow cycle for me (they’ve never been close to this small at a check before), or if I’m not reacting well to the Fe.mara, or what.

The other sucky part is that Firefly told me last night that she’s on first shift next week for her fire.fighter refreshers, which is AWESOME for me, except for the whole part where there is no way she could go with me to the insem if this cycle doesn’t turn out to be one big gigantic bust because she’ll have to be at work at 6am, so I’d be going alone. Frankly I’m not holding out a lot of hope for a successful cycle with a second check on CD18, although I’m trying. I’m not really sure what will happen if this cycle is a bust, if we’ll move to a different med or try again and hope it wasn’t because of that.

If I’m honest, I’m having a hard time not feeling like a gigantic failure today. Which is, logically at least, totally ridiculous–especially considering that this is only the 4th cycle we’re attempting. I mean, it took 6 for our Monkey and I never, not once, felt that way about Firefly, so why am I feeling so defeated today? And then I get angry at myself for feeling this way–I mean, how many people have tried for so much longer without the results they want so badly? Yet all I want to do right now is to bury my head under the covers and weep.

hello hello.

We were out of town for a bit this weekend without internet access, and then last night I didn’t get a chance to update, but the H.SG went okay on Friday. Everything looks okay, smooth walls and nothing unusual to speak of. My left tube was clear and open right off the bat, although the right took a bit longer for the contrast to flow. They didn’t see any blockages, so it may have been something small or just the way the fluid was moving, but either way it eventually went as well. It was seriously uncomfortable, even with the four ibu.profen I took beforehand, and I was still crampy and spotting Friday evening.

Even with the discomfort Firefly and I had a really nice night out on Friday evening while my parents spent some time at our house with Monkey. Saturday we were in Firefly’s hometown to see her best friend’s daughter in a play and then stayed over with them. We were going to spend the night at Firefly’s parents’ house even though they were actually in our town for the night, but apparently we grabbed the wrong keys so we couldn’t get in. Oops. It all worked out, though, and we all had a great time.

I hope everyone who celebrates had a lovely holiday today. I went to bed last night (which was technically today) to find a card and a bag of dark chocolate truffles on my nightstand from my wife. Tonight I left rehearsal early to come home and spend some time with Firefly and Monkey before she went to work–I can’t sing anyway right now with my voice the way it is and this cough still hanging on–and also to sneak a box of chocolates and two cards (one from me and one from Monkey) onto her driver’s seat so she’d find them when she left for work.

the plan.

I talked to the RE’s nurse today. Tomorrow morning I’m going in for standard bloodwork, then we’re switching up and on Sunday I’ll be starting Fe.mara instead of Clo.mid for this cycle. Normally the bloodwork is done on day 3, but since that’s Sunday and there isn’t anywhere I can go for a draw that day, and I have to have the draw before I start any meds, I need to do it tomorrow. I’ll also be going in for an H.SG next Friday, which is the dye test thing that Firefly had after her failed third cycle when we were trying for Monkey. I’m not really looking forward to it, but I think it’s the best plan to make sure everything looks okay and we aren’t missing something. Plus the odds of the next few cycles increase after the test, so that can’t hurt (even if the test might). So there you have it.

negative.

Just FYI. And so we move on to round 4.

on the mend.

Well, as it turns out, we found out Friday that Monkey tested positive for R.SV after a swab at his Thursday follow up. Which means, really, that getting him on meds any earlier really wouldn’t have done any good anyway. Firefly and I both ended up extremely ill as well, so the weekend was spent with all three of us sleeping in various arrangements on the living room furniture. Monday Monkey was sort of awake for parts of the day and seemed to be breathing easier finally, although he spent the entire day cuddling with us even when he was awake. He did get up in the evening and play for a bit, so that was a good sign. Yesterday he was back to almost his usual self: playing most of the day, waiting until late to nap, and giving Firefly a run for her money. He’s got a cough he just can’t shake, but other than that today was a good day for him.

I haven’t had a voice for the last three days and am finally starting to sound like a normal person today. My cough–like Monkey’s–is still hanging on, but it’s not nearly what it’s been over the past few days. Firefly is also almost back to her usual self, although she’s still really tired and having some issues with her eyes bothering her. Between the two of us we’ve gone thorough an entire box of tissues and then some.

The one good thing about all this is that the two week wait has FLOWN by. I test in the morning. I’m not holding out high hopes for this one and haven’t had any kind of symptoms to speak of, but I’ve also been so sick that I probably wouldn’t have noticed anything, and I haven’t really felt any signs of other things either, so who knows. I’ll reserve final judgement for the morning.


February 2011
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