Archive for May, 2011

I don’t really know what to say.

We’re still in limbo. Last week’s scan brought no answers other than things are still up in the air. There was definite change, but still measuring a week behind, and no heartbeat. I go back on Thursday for another scan. If we see one then maybe it was just late implantation, or maybe it was slow to get started. Who knows. If not it’s over. We’ve been keeping busy and I’m trying not to think or worry too much, but it’s not easy. Firefly has, as always, been great, supportive, kept me distracted, and generally been my rock. I just want an answer, a yes this is happening be happy or no it isn’t let’s deal with it and move on, but this is where we are. Stuck waiting. Still.

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so yeah. hi there.

I owe you an update. I know. I’ve been so exhausted and we’ve had a lot going on, but that’s no excuse really, is it?

I had an ultrasound a week ago and things are…okay. Everything is where it should be, so no ect0pic which is, of course, great news. There was a sac and a yolk. But it was small. So, I go back on Tuesday afternoon for another one to see if things are progressing the way they should, and hopefully, with any luck, see a flickering heartbeat. I’m trying not to think about it too much, and to think positively. I haven’t had any spotting at all, I’ve been exhausted and a little queasy now and then, but nothing too bad and it usually passes relatively quickly. Oh, and my b0obs. They are so incredibly sore. At this point it’s just a game of wait and see.

But Monkey, oh my goodness. Can you believe he turned 18 months yesterday? I hardly can! He had his well appointment this morning and it went…um, well. He’s still 10th for height but his weight is now 20th. He sounds good and looks good and is such a wonderful boy. He spent quite a bit of time climbing up and down the ladder to the table, and of course being the monkey he is, he was so interested in a painting they had hanging on the wall above the table that he pulled it down…three times, silly boy! He still isn’t talking much but he has a few things that he’s working on and says hi and hello, although not necessarily at the most appropriate times, and he’s babbling all the time now, gearing up for a big burst it feels like. He’s responsive and understands us. He knows where his belly and nose are, he’ll bring us his ball or put his book on the shelf if we ask, and he’s climbing on everything and running (literally) all over the place. He’s good at bedtime, and when I ask him in the evening if he’s ready for bed he’ll run over to the doorway and wait for me to open the gate, then off to his room he goes, turning to check that I’m following.

And how about a little photo since it’s been a while? He loves his motorcycle rocker!

a lot of stuff.

Well, I went in for my first beta on Monday and it came back on Tuesday at 130. Wednesday’s came back today at 215, so not doubled but about 65% increase and on track to double within 72 hours. They said initially that they may be able to skip the beta tomorrow since I won’t get the results back until Monday, but they’re going to do it after all. The nurse who called today did say she was going to talk to the nurse who will be on duty Saturday and ask her to contact me if the results happen to come in early enough (did that even make sense?), but I’m not going to hold my breath on that one. I’ll keep going until I get over 1000, which with any luck will be Monday’s draw.

I’m trying not to worry too much and to focus on the fact that it IS rising, which is what it’s supposed to do, and it is on track to rise normally even if it is a bit on the slow side of normal, but it’s still hard. And stupid me went and looked to see what Firefly’s betas were at this point. BAD idea. Remind me not to do that again, especially as my initial one was at the high end of the window they said they wanted to see and I am still within the normal doubling window. It’s hard not to worry. It’s really hard not to worry this early.

I do feel different, although mostly in indescribable ways. Notably, though, I went from being lucky to get to bed by 1 or 2am to falling asleep on the couch before my wife even leaves for work. My tummy is being picky, for lack of a better word. I’m not queasy, per se, but I’m not feeling quite right and finding something I really want to eat has been more of a challenge. Today for lunch the lasagna looked gross so I opted for the noodle casserole left over from yesterday, which turned out to be not at all what I wanted. I tried some salad, but no. Didn’t want that either. I finally ended up making egg salad, of all things.

I know I should call the OB to schedule my first appointment, especially knowing that it took us a while for Firefly to get in and we waited to schedule hers until after that first U/S where we saw Monkey’s little heart beating for the first time, but part of me wants to wait for the other betas to come back. Maybe I’ll wait and see what happens with this next one and call on Monday. Maybe I’ll call tomorrow. Who knows.

well I’ll be…

I went in this morning for my beta and should have confirmation and a number tomorrow. I can’t believe it!


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