Archive for June, 2011

and now it’s really over.

Last Thursday was supposed to be my first appointment with the OB. Then it was supposed to be an appointment with the RE until I finally started some light spotting last weekend. Then Thursday became the end, eleven weeks in and two full weeks after we knew for sure it was coming. It was a horrible, miserable experience that I will spare the details of, but suffice it to say that I hope I never have to go through it again not just for the emotional toll but also the physical one. I am still feeling the effects, although I’m starting to feel normal again. Just one more test next week to check levels and make sure that everything happened the way it needed to and this cycle that started as an April fool will be all over.

On top of that, in the meantime my Monkey was bitten on his hand by a d0g. He’s fine now, but that was very much not what I needed–especially given that, try as hard as I might to get over it, I’m afraid of the beasts. But today? Today my baby is 19 months. He’s happy and healthy (although he’s been a bit of a grump thanks, we think, to some new teeth making their way in) and he amazes me and makes me laugh every day. And I have a wife who loves and takes care of me and family and friends who are there for me. So ask me again tomorrow and you might get a different answer, but today I’m feeling positive.

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It’s over.

No progress. No heartbeat. I just feel this overwhelming aching sadness. Firefly is handling it much better than I am, which I suppose is to be expected since she usually handles things like this better than I, at least outwardly–not to mention all the hormones that are still raging in me. I have to decide what to do now, what to do for this to take its course and really be over, but I’m having a very difficult time. I keep thinking and talking and reasoning and crying my way around it and back again. Right now my choice seems to be to do nothing while I sit here frozen.


June 2011
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November 2010