Archive for August, 2011

maybe. just maybe.

This all seems like it’s been too easy. Everything is happening so quickly and smoothly it seems unbelievable. A ready f0llicle in a week? Only one u1trasound? And today’s appointment was fast and painless. Then this afternoon I was on one of those sites that has the capture thing, where you have to type in something to prove you’re a real person, and guess what it said? “good luck”. Surreal. I’m not one to put much stock in signs but if I was, goodness I’d believe there was nothing that could go wrong this cycle. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens in a couple of weeks. I’m terrified but hopeful.


well hello.

Long time no see. I don’t know if anyone is still following this at all, but I figure I’ve been gone long enough. If you’re still around, thanks. If not…well, I’m sad to see you gone, although I suppose this was never an experiment in how many followers I could get but a place to be open about my experience, and I’ve been neglecting that so that’s what I’m truly sorry about. I think I just needed some space to myself to process things in my own way.

I’ve had plenty of ups and downs since I last posted. Mostly more ups than downs of late, which is good, because that was not the case for a little while there. I’ve made some serious mistakes but I’ve rectified them as best I can, and I’ve done things that I think have made my family and my marriage stronger, and I will continue to do both I’m sure. We’ve made it through the mandatory two-cycle break and we’re back in the saddle and trying again. I’m a week into the first cycle post-break and went in this morning for my first blood draw and ultrasound. It was a bit of a whirlwind, and after seeing a bunch of tiny unmeasurable follies and a 17mm blob on the screen I thought for sure it was going to be a cyst and we’d be out for another cycle while we waited for it to resolve. This afternoon we’re back on, though, as it turns out from my 341 E2 result that it is in fact a mature follie. So, one more dose of F0llistim tonight, trigger tomorrow, and a Thursday morning insem at just 10 days into the cycle. Craziness.

Monkey is doing great other than a little summer cold that’s got him coughing at night, but we broke out the humidifier and that seems to be helping. He’s finally really starting to talk now, although the most understandable thing is still plane. He loves the things, scans the skies for them, points excitedly out the windows saying “pwae! Pwae! Pwae!” whenever he hears one (or a helicopter) overhead–which is more frequent than you might expect since we live relatively close to a very small airport. He also loves to help out in the yard and is so proud of himself when he finds Firefly’s gloves and gets them on all by himself. Here’s a little demonstration of his recent cuteness:

He’s looking less and less like our baby and more and more like our little boy, which gives me great joy and sadness in the same breath. No, not sadness. Wistfulness. I’m so happy to see him grow and thrive, and to see the special person that he is developing right before our eyes, but I miss my tiny one that I could scoop up and cuddle for hours on end.

I haven’t been breaking out my camera nearly as much as I’d like, but I intend to get back on that, too, and plan to share more soon. Forgive me for being so absent?

August 2011
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November 2010